10.31.09 Teacher

I am back from my long hibernation period of blogging. Don't know how long till I blog again. Hahaha...

Today is the last day of October, exactly a full month I've hold the title of being a teacher. I have to say, being an educator is quite different from what I expect it would be - more challenging, more time consuming, and more mentally absorbing.

Though I've only been a teacher for 4 weeks, it feels like 4 months. I go home quite tired and just feel like resting. There were times when I wonder why did I choose this job, and whether I would like to continue doing so. I thought teaching would be a fulfilling occupation, in which you get to see those bright faces of your students lit up when you explain something and they get it. Or at least you would feel the satisfaction of receiving the proper attention they give when you are imparting knowledge to them.

But in reality, there were a lot of times when my students seem to understand the lessons, but still do horrible in their exams. And more times when they would start talking with their friends then listening to me. Not to mention how hard it is to "control" them when they finished their work in class early. Little fifth grade boys and girls running around the class shouting and throwing paper balls is not exactly a great picture of good class management, don't you think? (which makes me nervous when I think about my performance assessment next week ..............)

Of course there were also the good times too... The time when one of my student won a story-telling competition, the time when they actually sit still and listen to my teaching, the time when I see more students' grades went up, the time when my students finished their project while the other classes didn't, and the time when I managed to resolve a conflict. Maybe these are the small moments which give me hope that I'm not that horrible of a teacher, that I at least managed to teach them a few things with my limited brain and experience.

I have 2 more months ahead before I need to sign a 6-month contract till June 2010. During these two months I will have to decide whether I want to continue being a teacher. I still don't know which one I'll choose, but either way, I truly have learned a lot of things. I just pray that He will show me which way to go, and open the door to the path I need to walk on.